OBX sunset! Standing on the dunes here, it was probably the last time I felt at peace. I remember the day I told my yoga teacher I was leaving. She looked at me and said, “You’re not ready.” I didn’t listen. I rarely ever listen. I’d like to practice listening more. These last two years have been fucking shit. I’m not gonna lie. There were reasons I wanted to come back, and whether they were good or bad reasons, I’m not sure it matters anymore. Someday, I’ll write about it—if haven’t given up writing by then (side note: is there really room for all of our voices?)Anyway, the beauty of hindsight is that it reveals to us what our intuition had always known: I shouldn’t have come back; Amsterdam is a rock from the past that was better left unturned. With no job outlook, a perineal crap feeling, and all the other things that have unraveled in my life since my father died a few years back, I think I’m doing my best with what is available to me at the moment. But, and in a lot of ways, I feel like I’m holding myself back. Just thinking here: what do I want, what would I like to grow? What is accessible to me? What am I blocking? All I got today is: I DON’T KNOW. Gonna sit in that for a while. #entropyphotoseries .