Have you ever had strong feeling but don’t know how to describe it? I’ve been asked so many times in the past two weeks how I’m doing and I always answer with “good”. Except that I’m not. I just don’t want my peers to know that there’s something wrong. They’ve got enough to worry about, they don’t need to add me to the list. I’ve been feeling something similar to sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, anxiety, emptiness, and frustration all wrapped up into one. Personally, I wouldn’t call it depression though if I went to counseling that may be what they want to call it. Though, I don’t feel like the description I gave does my feeling any justice. Truthfully I don’t know what’s wrong, only that something is wrong. As I consider myself to be Christian (I’m not here to argue religion) I find myself asking God what’s wrong with me. Trying to figure out what is giving me this strange feeling. At this time in my life, He (I believe) has decided to hold off on giving people to talk to about this. I have few friends and have never been in a relationship. In some sense, I am really on my own in this. Maybe it’s so that I can work my way into a better relationship with Him. Or maybe I’ve ignored all the resources He has given me all because I want to stay comfortable. I don’t really know. All the words I have for this situation wouldn’t explain my feelings. If I found the words maybe they wouldn’t convey my message properly. If they conveyed my message maybe they wouldn’t show the full picture. And if they showed the full picture then I guess I wouldn’t be writing this. I feel tired but not physically. I feel tired emotionally and spiritually but on an extremely deep level. You know the worst part about all of this? There really is no read for me to be feeling this way. I’ve thought about escaping it all. Not by killing myself, no. As I was walking around my campus today the thought that entered my head was “What if you went back to your dorm, packed a bag, and just kept walking?” The scary part is that I wanted to go through with it. There is a small handful of people that would actually care if I just walked away and kept on traveling. Even then they’d get over it.